Random thoughts regarding Job
Following John Eldredge’s advice, I have not been following any kind of Bible reading plan, but instead asking God to show me what to read and making the best effort to open the passage He is guiding me towards. It was hours after dreaming about Marian completely disowning me when I found myself in the book of Job and reading the entire book, several times now since then.
The biggest question I have is, how can Job claim to be completely sinless? Did he never disobey or lie to his parents? Was he an exception to the rule like Catholics believe about Mary?
Or is this a forshadowing of the promises of the New Testament? There are specific passages that are parrallel’s to Christ, one has to wonder how it could have been written hundreds of years before Jesus’ birth.
We do know that Job was faithful in presenting burnt offerings, presumably for himself, and he gave offerings on behalf of his children, “just in case they needed it“.
I think the real message isn’t that Job never sinned, but because of his repentance and relationship with God, he knew he was forgiven and truly blameless and righteous.
That’s the lesson I’m trying to get from my head to my heart. It is the core teaching and values that drive 180 Degrees Ministries that has freed hundreds of people from addictions and transformed lives into new and burden free relationships with the father.
My first excerpts from Job I can easily repeat back and identify with those words. I do wish I had just never been born, I am being tormented even in my dreams, and many of the words spoken by well meaning people have been bitter pills to swallow and impossible to believe.
My more recent quoting I said are the parts I gloss over. I can read them, but it hard to accept as relevant. I can’t claim to have faithfully upheld a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully. So while I can identify with Job’s agony in many ways, I don’t feel blameless or claim the circumstances are undeserved.
But I am forgiven. Christ lives in me and presents himself before the father on my behalf so that I am blameless and worthy to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I know this to be true, but the idea really hasn’t taken root and still doesn’t shape my life the way I wish it would.
I have these moments where I do spend hours in the Word of God, or have taken long multi-mile walks just praying and seeking after God. Sometimes I go days with this new life and am living as if I’m free. Other times I can spend time with God and hours later give up on the idea and live life the way I always have.
When my life first turned upside down a few months ago, my strongest prayer request that I repeated multiple times a day was for mercy from the consequences I know I deserve and for my family to be reunited. I haven’t prayed that prayer in about a month now.
My only request now is to be transformed to live life as a slave to Christ. I have declared and spoken many times that I surrender my life and want to pursue God’s will, but I still undo that promise and pursue my own desires on a regular basis. One person who has gone through 180’s Freedom Program has tried relaying the teaching to me, that there isn’t anything I have to “do” in order to be transformed and that it isn’t my responsibility. That same person has also accused me of being unrepentant and made it clear that I’m not “doing” enough. I am so confused. I’m struggling with what to believe, particularly in regards to any hope for the future.
The Bible is an amazing collection of books. I’ve met some smart Bible scholars who believe the story of Job was a work of fiction, a script for a play perhaps. I don’t know about that, but I know it fits in perfectly with the story of Christ and redemption even though it was written at a time so long before the Word became Flesh.
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