Fear
I had a thought that I wanted to share here, but it was on a topic previously undiscussed so I had to make the previous two posts just to get to this one.
My heart breaks for those that are struggling with pornography in their lives because I know first hand how destructive it can be. It’s a topic I discuss frequently with people and amazed at just how widespread this problem has become. Thank you Internet. I know one guy that saw it as an acceptable compromise. He was single and thought it as a “tool” to keep him from out of temptation and destructive relationships. But the general consensus is to acknowledge it as sin and want to find a way out.
I have been thinking about ways that I can help others in this fight, but usually stop short for the reality that I haven’t exactly figured it out myself. It seems the best I can do is be part of a small group with some guys on a journey as I learn how to be surrendered to God and accept his identity of sinlessness in my life. I’m praying about that regularly to see what God wants from me in that department.
Reflecting on this today, I was struck with a fear that I hadn’t thought about before. I know a guy named Steve Austin. Incredible person and I wish you all could meet him. His love for Christ and passion for helping others is contagious. He is also a former crack addict. But God intervened in his life and taught him about freedom from sin. It is in knowing Steve that I have hope that addictions can be not only “controlled” but absolutely eliminated so that the Christ follower can leave a brand new life.
As Steve is mentoring me and I am focused on spending time with God and reading his Word, I am trusting that God will teach me to have the same life changing experience so that I can spread a message that there is freedom from porn addiction from personal experience. That thought then made me realize that I am quite afraid of such an outcome, after all, if I have the same transformation that Steve had, I might then go into a full time ministry helping others with their addiction, as Steve has. Not that it’s a bad thing, but never really high on my list of life’s desires.
The thought struck me as I was pondering life and I wonder if a fear of being transformed by God is keeping me from being transformed by God.
(The video isn’t exactly on topic, but the song is and I’m hoping this is a legal way to share it. Probably not, so go buy it. The description of the video is “The faces of just some of the people Jesus Christ died for.”)
Sounds like a great opportunity to grow! What a wonderful gift to the Body of Christ to find mature believers reaching out to those “caught in sin” (Galatians 6:1-2) and helping them to walk in freedom.
As someone who is talking with others about porn addiction, has you or anyone you know heard of Covenant Eyes accountability software? The software is a great tool to help those who are addicted to pornography: it helps to establish transparency and openness among accountability partners.
Luke said this on September 8, 2008 at 16:06
[...] been dealing with some rather ugly life events lately and my natural desire to help other ministries has been stifled. The key mentor in my life [...]
Survey Says? « Reinforcing The Church said this on March 9, 2009 at 12:34
“I know one guy that saw it as an acceptable compromise. He was single and thought it as a ‘tool’ to keep him from out of temptation and destructive relationships.”
Tell your friend I agree with him so long as the goal is to wean himself off of sex all together. To go cold turkey isn’t biologically possible. The body is addicted to chemicals. Not everything with sex is absolutely moral. Keep in mind what St. Augustine says – the further we walk away from God, the closer we get to hell with each step. So if we look at that in reverse, we can picture ourselve taking steps back towards God and each step get’s a little less evil than the previous one. It IS possible to overcome a sexual addiction but it takes a lot of work on the person’s part. Obedience precedes God meeting us the rest of the way. He isn’t “magic”.
Always keep in mind too, that when we kill the flesh, there is a death. In our fallen humanity, we need to grieve. When we become Christians we seem to skip this step and we wonder why we secretly desire sin so much. Well, b/c we are human and went from loving it to being told we are supposed to hate it. Feeling convicted about sin and hating it are two very different things. Our flesh will never hate sin. Thus, we need to let the flesh grieve b/c it’s narcissistic thus it needs to mourn over the death of itself.
I did all my healing outside of church. I call it “Apostle Paul” style. When he met the Lord, he went away for a couple of years and spent serious time getting to know him. Do we do that here in America? No. We draft in young kids, save them, instruct them to attend bible study and then start preaching to them about getting into ministry and if they burn with lust, to consider getting married. We never ask if perhaps this “burning with lust” is masking a sexual addiction. Leaders in the church don’t want to deal with young kids and sex. Letting them get married is a quick fix. We don’t separate the kids from healthy homes from those who’ve only known dysfunction their whole lives. Thus we never consider the fact that these second group of kids have a warped vision of God from the get go b/c they don’t know what healthy love from a parent even looks like. We expect the same from them that we do from the kids from healthy homes. How sad. Then we hook up two kids from dysfunctional homes and send them off to get married. No wonder the church is a mess.
Personally, Dan, I don’t think sex addicts should go into sex addict ministries. I think they need to get away from it as much as possible. It’s not your job to heal the sex addict. You’re not the Holy Spirit. Let go and let God, in this case. You will always be in recovery like an alcoholic. You may even need to go to a church where the woman aren’t attractive. And that’s cool if you need to do this…just be honest with yourself and those around you.
I know every technique there is out there. I also know sex addicts like to talk about their sex addiction a lot. Subconciously they feel comforted by it. Also, other people want them to hash out all the details b/c there is something in them that is fascinated by it b/c they want to know what it’s about without actually viewing porn. Sex addicts look at so much porn that their brain is stuck, skipping like a record and they need to just do what the Word of God says to do – think about all that is lovely and pure, etc. etc. A dirty image needs to be replaced with a righteous one. Think of the Passion movie and Christ on the cross. Sing Jesus loves me and repeat it over and over. This is YOUR soul Dan. YOUR marriage. YOUR relationship with God. You need to do what it is that you need to do, to OVERCOME this. If you have to live in a 10×10 room with just a bed, than so be it. What is a 100 years compared to eternity?
Former Wife of a "Christian" Sex Addict said this on July 15, 2009 at 23:13