I am so fickle
When I spend time in Tennessee, I am bombarded by people who know how to make me feel loved and appreciated. I knew that whatever euphoria that I came home with wouldn’t last, but to be balling my eyes out not even 24 hours later? I am pathetic.
I don’t feel comfortable being this transparent on Facebook, so I killed the account. Honestly, I’m tempted to delete this blog too. But instead I forced myself to post on how I’m feeling. I’m not too keen on being fully transparent on here either though. So I don’t know what else to write.
Nathaniel’s birthday is in a couple of days. He seems to be taking this separation the hardest (or at least, is better at expressing it, Jared’s being the strong silent type). It kills me to know that I can’t make it down to Florida to be there with him.
I’m up late because I had some work projects that I promised would be done by Monday. But I stopped working a few hours ago. Emotionally I’m just not up to it.
I don’t know how much power demonic forces have over what thoughts go through my head or what memories surface, but it feels like someone is inside my head and trying real hard to make recent convictions a distant and faded memory.
[Allen Morrell - Already In Your Arms]
“Jesus wept.” John 11:35
Crying is good my friend. i just wanted to remind you of that. i cant begin to know your pain and i wish i knew what to put here. i just want to let you know i am praying, pleading, with God. i guess i just don’t want you to hurt because it hurts me. i just want to pull you out of the fire and tell God you’re done. i love you.
Ethan said this on September 29, 2008 at 20:18